she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
