All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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