Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
