We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
