When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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