I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
