So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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