Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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