just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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