I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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