I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
