just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
