I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
