Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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