I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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