I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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