I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
