Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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