you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
