Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
