But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
