One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
