It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
