I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
