They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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