I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
