Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
