I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
