Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
