Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We left the knife in your bed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
