My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
