i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We got so high we made milksteak
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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