At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
