you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
