he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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