My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
