i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
