Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
