you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize