accomplished twins. life is a go
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
