fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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