Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
