i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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