Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
