Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
