none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
