real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
