What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
