I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
