This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
