im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
