I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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