what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
