What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
