he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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