halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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