Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
