so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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