Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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