There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
