exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
