i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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