life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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