i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The adults are the big ones right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
