I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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