you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A bitchslap is in order.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
