i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize