Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
